Trying NOT to have a baby

Not that many people know about my blog. If people did, they wouldn't understand. My best friend for example would be upset that I didn't share my Trying Not to have kids mutterings with him. Particulary as he's doing a Phd in it. Yes, I think that's kinda ironic - he is doing a Phd studying lots of data on why women are having babies later. He could have just asked me.

So last week he got in the national news http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/04/22/ncareer122.xml - the sats are the ones he created, working for that professor that takes all the credit. He was so thrilled, national news, unfortunately a pub conversation about his work only leaves me pissed off.

Basic truth seems to me, you can't have a career and be a mother. Not my type of 8-6 5 days a week career. This evening I attended a company business update and dinner which didn't finish till 9. Very important, chuffed to be there in the select few. But how on earth can you do that when you have a 1 year old to get home to. And even if I did manage it, I can not see how it'd help me get into the front row.

? Do I want to be stuck forever in the back row, apologising for my presence, or up the front taking deserved credit. Or a mother. Or can you have your cake and eat it???

Childcare. Yeah right, how many mothers have you met that delegate their baby to 19year old misfit nursery workers from the age of 3 months? You like any off them? Think their babies will grow up to be well rounded or spolit brats? If there are any nice career mothers out there, maybe you'd like to convince me otherwise.

Firstly, Hi I'm new. I guess it's a bit dull to go on about being a virgin blogger 'cause everyones been there once. But you know it's kinda all one and the same, about what I wanted to write about, so maybe some background would be cool.

So I'm attending the christening of my cousin's 7 month old little boy. It's Mother's Day. My cousin is 25; his sister is celebrating her 27th today, and she has her 2 year old girl with her. My husband is with me and most of the people there have seen us only once since our wedding a year and a half ago. So what do all these wonderful people ask all day? Of course, "when are you having a baby?" Or even, they think more politely, "It'll be you next!" Will it, says who!!

Yes, we're married. Yes, we own our own flat. Yes, I'm 27, he's 28. Yes, we are fairly well off. BUT... So this blog is born to get out all those buts that no one wants to listen to.

It's also to quietly voice that other side of me, the one that says Well, maybe. Because it's a battle. I'm a logical person, in the end one of them is going to win and maybe this blog is there to record just how long I can hold out Obviously I can't go around telling people I'm interested, just our little secret.

I've seen blogs about trying, about having and about surviving the little screaming things, but never about avoiding - so maybe, just maybe you are in the same boat too...